Father

She hated goodbyes, always have avoided them, when she didn’t feel comfortable, she just left, vanished into thin air, she mastered the art of being just ‘not there’, she did it to all the friends she abandoned, all the lovers she left, without thinking of how they felt, or if it hurts people when she does that.

She thought it is a quick fix, let’s go, let’s run away, let’s just go and never come back, maybe it came from being hesitated and not knowing if she should leave or stay so she just left, maybe she loved them too much to stay and continue, maybe. She actually doesn’t know.

Even when it came to death, she ran away, she never visited her grandfather whose was dying for weeks in the hospital and she avoided even talking to her dying grandmother, that’s all she was, a runner, a coward and a terrified person.

Why did she do that? Why? She never knew but the part of her that understands goodbyes wasn’t there at all, she didn’t do them, she just ran.

But -as always in those kind of stories- something happened, something that changed her, her life and her perspective forever, something that opened up the empathy in her heart, something that really opened up her eyes.

Her father died, un expectedly, the last time she talked to him was 3 days before his death, she never had the chance to say goodbye, she never appreciated having him, she always has seen him as the monster who tried to take away her freedom and self-stem, that was her father, who he is for her, maybe in the last couple of years that got better, but not good enough for a man like him.

Her father died and luckily, she had the chance to say goodbye to his body and kiss his forehead, in his funeral they asked her if she wanted to see him, kiss him and say goodbye, she didn’t think for a second, at all, she just went and did it.

You would think that kissing a dead body is a weird thing, but not at all, when it is your amazing dead father, the amazing man who was always there for you even when you was that obnoxious teenager who thought she ruled the world, but she didn’t know that while she ruled the world he was the one who made her crown and throne, he is the one who carried her through all of her life and gave her the best life ever, he was the one who did it all and she was the one who was foolish and stupid and didn’t see or appreciate and wasn’t grateful at all.

She was the one who always told her friends how much a monster her id for trying to rape her freedom out of her, but he was only protecting her as any other good father would do.

Now, she is a parent, she is a grown up, and when she remembers her each time she cries, each time she needs money or feel in any kind of a need, she remembers the only man who could make her feel better, give her money and feed her.

The loss of her father taught her many lessons, the most important one of them is to appreciate the people you love, call them, make them know, always talk to them as if you are saying goodbye to them, as if It is the last time, as if you will never talk again, as if one of you will die tomorrow.

And the people who you want to leave, be strong, leave with dignity, leave with pride, be a grown up and talk to them, tell them what is happening and tell them why it is happening, respect them because one day they were the closest to you, they listened to you, they loved you and you loved them, so respect the memory, respect the history and respect the love.

It’s the art of leaving, the art of saying goodbye, don’t ever get so close and then vanish, don’t ever do that to people, you will be the reason they feel not respected and unappreciated forever.

Don’t ever be the reason of someone feeling like that, be humble, have empathy, and say goodbye.

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