Speed of sound

So this song is haunting me, the question in the begining:

how long before i get in? before it starts ? before i begin?

I feel that i had the greatest most rich life in college, i was free, i got to do what i wanted mainly, fight with my parents, fail, get close to many kinds of people, during this time i found a little bit of myself, but i need more, i need to live more, i need to restart, i need to move, but i left my country to a country that i don’t know it’s language and it is awful, not the country, i am in love with the netherlands, i never want to leave, it is awful that i cannot speak dutch, i feel stupid, i feel dump, i really wish i can just study and talk, but taking a course while taking care of a baby, and most course are way more expensive than my budget, complicated situation.

How to learn dutch? how to master it so i can begin here? so i can have a career and friends and people?

I just wish i can find a cheap center or tutor who accepts that my baby will come with me. that’s all what i wish for now.



Gallstones 2 

So i decided to search for a treatment before i go for the surgery as i am terrified of surgeries.

I found this book my physical therpaist told me about, the amazing liver and gallbladder flush, and i think i may try it.

Also i found a natural doctor who studied medicine but also studied alternative medicine and he said he can try out helping me and gave me tons of medicines to try.

I really wish they all work.

I will keep you updated.

6 months and a week 

My son is now 6 months and a week .. i thought i really should restart blogging more frequently .. so i am starting now..

He is a happy boy .. my experience with him is the greatest thing that happened to me .. also the hardest and the most draining ..

Maybe it is the most draining because i am sick and not healthy at the moment and trying to get my health back ..

I was diagnosed with gall stones and liver hemagnioma (if it was spelled right) 

I will write more about that as i go .. i really wish i can blog everyday and that is what i will try to do .. 

My son is an energy draining machine just like all children but i try to enjoy some moments with him ..

That is it for now 🙂 

Gallstones journey 1 


Almost 3 months ago i knew that i have gallstones in my gallbladder, anyone who knows me will know that i was suffering from weird attacks and pains since my son was 2 weeks old.

it took my doctor 4 months, 3 blood tests and an ultrasound to know that i have them.

now i have to decide between living with them or doing the surgery.

 Also there are some herbal remidies that i can try.

What do you think i should do?

What do i want to do with my life?

The question that is driving me crazy in the past year, and for the next year i will be a new mum to a new baby and it will still drive me crazy.

Do i want to open a restaurant?

Do i want to be a software tester as i am?

Do i want to study cooking?

Do i want to study human nutrition and be health adviser?

Do i want to work in a bakery?

Do i have no dreams and just want money?

Do i want to be a writer?

Do i want to be a teacher?

i totally dont know and don’t know how can i know.

Any Help ?!


4 weeks

Today my baby is 4 weeks, the most pure and easy kind of love i ever knew, the kind of live that makes me feel happy when i wake 3 times in the middle of the night and stay awake for a hour each time and when i look at his face .. It all worth it for me.

My baby boy is 4 weeks old and i feel that i never knew life without him and i feel that i was born to be his mummy and be there for him.

I never felt that way about being a house wife or a mum .. But i do now .. I feel that they are amazing things although i am still searching for something for myself.

I feel frustrated when he is sad and i would do anything to fix all of his issues.

I love having a child although it is a terrifying thing but totally rewarding and totally worth it, it fills the heart in a new way.

Ofcourse there are the i hate my life moments, but they pass fastly and i pray they stop coming at all, Hormons are any girls worst friend !

That is it for now !

Have a nice day 🙂

My giving birth Story – Giving Birth in the Netherlands


So i gave birth, excatly  3 weeks ago, on 29/3/2016.

It was a very big day and it was a huge huge deal, i was having back labour, i didn’t know that it was back labour and i really believed i was having some colon issues or the baby moves hurt my back so i kept silenced until i called my midwife at 7:30 in the morning.

She was delivering another baby, so she was late and she came 9:30, she checked me, i was 7 cm dialated, me and my husband were sure that it was false labour, but to our amusment it was real, we were having the baby.

We went to the hospital and i changed and i was fully dialated, and the pain was ok, it was handable, then they said it was back labout and i have no contractions in my uterus so they had to give me something to make the contractions more so it would reach my stomache and help the baby move down.

I was begging for an epidural, i was crying for it, but it was too late, and they refused to give me any drugs, i really want to ask a dr or to search to know, why can’t a woman have any medicine after she is fully dialated?

Anyway, they asked the nurse to put the IV, and they couldn’t find my viens for a long time i guess it was 30-45 mins, they put it in.

I was screaming and the asked me  to breathe but no one can imagine how much it is painful and hard, i really didnt know how to push and i was so embaressed and didn’t want my husband to see anything and i just wanted him to stay next to my head and not seeing anything because really it must be a horrific show.

Then he was born, and it was amazing, all the pain stopped or became unnoticable, he was bruised a little bit, but they said it is normal.

I hugged him for 2 hours and really hugging a just born baby can heal every broken thing inside you.

and i’ll continue later ! 😀

Bye 😀


A new project

So i am making a new project, i have been working on it for the last 2 months, i am making my own health and fitness blog, it will be all about the articles that i want to write and the ideas that i want to share.

Dealing with a personal project while having a baby is a big big deal that i wish i can fullfill because i need my personal project.

wish me luck and stay tuned for it !

11- I love my baby

So i am in the last month of my pregnancy, i feel tried and in pain, i feel like a mess, i feel fat, i feel ugly.

but i love my baby, i adore him, i want him to come safely and i want it to be over so i can enjoy having him in my life and seeing life through his eyes.

The greatest sucess of all is to be a parent to your kids, a real best friend, a shoulder to cry on and a back to support, this is my new definition of success and that is what i want to be.

They say women should not define themselves as mothers or wives, but i will and i do, because it is a previelge to have this kind of influence over some’s life, specially if he is someone you love.

The greatest thing a woman can be is to be a home maker, she shouldn’t forget herself or her needs in the process but this is the greatest she can be, to be the thread that brings they whole family together and the best friend of them all.

I love my husband and i love my baby and i am so happy i got the chance to be in thier lives.

Thank Allah 🙂